Emotional abuse is often referred to as silent abuse because the scars or effects of it don’t show in a physical form. However, the scars are extremely deep and take a long time to heal. Emotional abuse can be subtle to the degree that the victim may not even know that it is unfolding.
Most emotional abusers are highly intelligent in the fact that their overt behavior is strategic depositing it’s poison little by little until the victim finds them self engulfed in the trenches of lowered self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness and powerlessness. Their tactics are so cunning that even the strong-minded, highly esteem woman can fall prey if not careful.
Emotional abusers don’t approach relationships using obvious abusive techniques, no their far to smart for that. Often times their charming ways cloud the venom that lies dormant waiting for the right time to slowly penetrate their prey psychologically and emotionally.
Manipulation is often a key factor in laying the foundation for abuse although the goal is control. To manipulate someone is to manage or influence them skillfully, especially in an unfair manner. An abuser uses manipulation to impose there will onto the victim to the degree that it overrides or diminishes the will of the victim. Often times an abuser will make gestures or comments intended to make their victim feel stupid or insecure. This is sometimes done through negative criticism that will make the victim feel less than a woman (or man) or insinuate that in order to really be a woman a change needs to take place. These comments may send the victim on a never-ending path to try to change things about them self that are in fact their personal strengths, but the desire to become more appealing to the abuser aids in the process of clouding the victims self perception.
As negative criticism continues to be dosed out it’s sometimes done under the guise of advice or help when the intent is to gradually erode the victims self-confidence making them feel bad about themselves and creating a sense of hopelessness. This may cause the victim to strive even harder to become someone other than who they were created to be and explains the confusion the victim feels as they begin the downward spiral of self-hatred. The goal of the abuser at this point is to get their victim to the point where they no longer love who they are but are constantly trying to become who the abuser tells them they should be. This is a cruel manipulative tactic and on the surface it may seem like the victim should be able to see and stop it, but remember the abuser doesn’t operate in the obvious. Everything they do and the way that they unfold their plan is cunning, meticulous and often times unseen because it is done under the guise of trying to help or make the victim better.
An abusive partners goal is control and the behavior unfolds in many forms often not allowing the victim time to consider if it’s right or wrong. However, the changes that are present in the victim are a clear indication that something is gravely wrong. Major changes may take place like isolating oneself from family members or friends, especially those who would easily be able to tell that something has changed for the worst. Sometimes the abuser may express their concern about the victim associating with certain people such as friends, family members, co-workers etc. In actuality, this is another manipulative tactic to break down the victims support system leaving them silent and alone to deal with what is going on in their lives.
The abuser may go as far as to take information they know about a friend and use it to prove or persuade the victim that cutting this person off is best. The victim should not fall for this, it is all a set up to isolate and destroy them mentally and emotionally. This is often the place where family and friends become concerned and may begin to ask questions. This is also the place where the victim may lash out at their concern protecting a false sense of love between the abuser and the victim. And I say a false sense of love because people who love you will treat you with respect, consideration, courtesy, honesty and compassion while allowing you to be YOU. A person worthy of love will draw you closer to who you were meant to be spiritually, emotionally and mentally. They will not need to use control, manipulation, isolation or intimidation.