Simply put, there are no two ways about it. Dealing with a Narcissist is sticky business. The onslaught of emotional abuse, confusion and outright chaos is more than anyone could ever imagine. Walking through the complexities of a Narcissistic relationship is like walking through a landmine. The uncertainty of knowing what to expect or when the next emotional explosion (Narcissistic Rage) is coming can eventually become quite exasperating. Once you have had enough and decide to cut your losses, and walk away, you then find out that leaving the Narcissist comes with another set of complications and complexities. When will it all end you may wonder as you desperately seek to break free. Whether you are entering or leaving this toxic relationship, the bottom line is, dealing with a Narcissist is “Sticky Business”.
Early on in the relationship, the Narcissist will entangle your affairs with theirs, all under the guise of helping you. The Narcissist may offer to add you on their cell phone bill or car insurance that offers savings that are hard to turn down. You may even discuss moving in together. In spite of the Narcissist appearing to offer you help, what in fact is happening is the Narcissist is entangling your business affairs with theirs so that when you get a glimpse of who they really are, it will be hard for you to get up and leave. The Narcissist is confident that the time it will take you to untangle your affairs will be just enough time for them to seduce you back into the relationship. However, if you do manage to break free, here are a few of the sticky situations you can count on.
One of the goals of the Narcissist is to destroy your self-esteem, emotionally abuse you and then discard you by throwing you out like trash. However, if you discard the Narcissist by leaving them first this creates a Narcissistic injury. The Narcissist has no problem inflicting emotional pain on their victims, however, they are unable to accept the same being dished out to them. In order to get you back into a position of control, the Narcissist will begin an aggressive chase called hoovering. Hoovering by the Narcissist will consist of phone calls back to back, constant text messages being sent regardless of response, unexpected visits by the Narcissist to your home, job or family/friends homes and outright stalking. Although the Narcissist will appear to be genuine in wanting you back into the relationship, their overall goal is to regain control in order to further carry out their Narcissistic Abuse tactics.
The Narcissist is well aware that you will eventually become aware of their deceptive truth and how this may damage their image in the eyes of others. For the Narcissist, their self-image is extremely important and they are not willing to risk their image being tarnished by those they abuse. Therefore, the Narcissist will tarnish the reputation of their victims before they become aware of the truth and tell others what the Narcissist is really up to.
The Narcissist will lie to others about you in order to turn them against you. They’ll lie and tell them how you have been emotionally abusive to the Narcissist or how you shared with them your dislike of the other party. There are no rules here. The Narcissist will do and say whatever they have to in order to cause the other party to dislike you. This smear campaign will take place while you are in the relationship with the Narcissist and will escalate after being discarded by the Narcissist or your choosing to discard the Narcissist first.
Through a smear campaign by the Narcissist, your self-image will be in desperate need of repair. However, it will not be worth your efforts to try and repair it as the Narcissist will spread lies about you at record speed. Any attempts to clear your name will be exhausting and impossible leading to more chaos and confusion. The best way to handle the smear campaign of a Narcissist is to remove yourself from mutual friends and trust that God will revenge the Narcissist on your behalf as He has promised in His Word (Isaiah 49:25). You will be better off focusing on your journey of healing from the abuse and completely shutting the Narcissist out of your life.
Once the relationship with the Narcissist is over, they will use the help of others to further manipulate and control you. Especially if you have been successful in removing the Narcissist from your life they will use the help of flying monkeys to get a message to you. A Flying Monkey is anyone who is willing to relay a message to you that has anything to do with the Narcissist. Those who are being used as Flying Monkeys may not even know that the Narcissist is using them to further cause you torment or emotional pain. The Narcissist may outright ask a mutual friend to tell you that the Narcissist is missing you dearly knowing the message will cause a negative reaction within you. They may even bring their new Narcissistic Supply into the circle knowing a friend is going to go back and let you know.
Another source of implementing the help of Flying Monkeys is through social media post that the Narcissist knows your friends will relay back to you. You will have to be very stern in letting those mutual parties know that you are not open to hearing about the Narcissist or better yet you may have to walk away from those friendships completely. This is why dealing with the Narcissist is nothing short of being “Sticky Business”.