Have you found yourself in a place where you have ended the relationship with the Narcissist, have successfully gone no contact but are left to deal with the fact that you are still in love with them?  Are you wondering if there is anything you could have done differently?  Do you find yourself thinking “it wasn’t all that bad”?  If so,  I completely understand how you may be feeling.  What has helped me in those times is facing the truth about the relationship with the Narcissist and refusing to make excuses about his behavior.  Needless to say, you may have to do the same to get back to your happy place.

The hard cold truth is that you fell in love with someone who actually does not exist. You did not fall in love with the con artist that the Narcissist truly is, but you fell for the image of who he portrayed himself to be.  In essence, the entire relationship was a lie.  Breathe…  It’s important to understand that you cannot change who the Narcissist is at their core.  No matter how much love you have for the Narcissist, your love will not change them.  The Narcissist is not looking for a change, only victims whose life they can destroy.   Therefore, the sooner you realize what has truly taken place (you were targeted by an emotional con artist), accept it for what it is (emotional abuse), and begin your healing journey (with God’s help), the better off you will be in the long run.

The upside about experiencing Narcissistic Abuse is that you now know what to look for to prevent it from happening to you again.  Make sure to remember how the Narcissist rushed the relationship in the beginning because that is a red flag and a key indicator that something is not right.  In the meantime,  be true to yourself by not making excuses for the behavior of the Narcissist.  It is facing the truth of the matter that will set you free.  If you remain in denial you will continue to be in emotional pain and that is not God’s plan for your life.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Here’s another truth…  The love that you so desperately want to give to the Narcissist, you are in great need of giving that love to yourself.   I recommend taking this time to nurture yourself through self-love and acceptance.  Many of us who were targeted by narcissists were never taught the importance of loving and accepting ourselves.  On a deeper level, we may not have been properly loved, accepted or validated in our childhood, leaving us vulnerable and seeking the acceptance of those who prey.  One of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself after Narcissistic Abuse is to nurture yourself through a self-care routine that reconnects you to “your true self” and back to God.  Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in putting a personal self-care routine together.  Leave a comment below if you would like to share your self-care routine.  I would love to hear it!

Be Blessed…Relax & Trust God

Wendy