The realization that the man you were convinced was your soulmate is, in fact, a Narcissist can be quite overwhelming.  The inner flood of emotions stirring up within can leave you wondering if you will ever recover from such a betrayal.  How could someone be so cruel?  Did he ever truly love me or was it all a lie?  How did I not know that he was a fraud?  These are just a few of the many questions within you demanding to be answered.

In this article, I will touch base on the Narcissist and why they behave in such a destructive manner.  I recommend that you explore the array of articles on this website to gain further knowledge, but may I also suggest that you simply…breathe.  As your SisterFriend, I can tell you that with the help of The Lord, it is going to be, okay.  You have made it through a very difficult time that may have left many areas in your life shattered, but the good news is that you serve a God who specializes in mending broken things.

What is a Narcissist Anyway?

A Narcissist is an individual who has a disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  NPD is a mental condition in which the individual has an inflated sense of self-importance, a desperate need for attention and admiration, lacks empathy for others and leaves behind them a heap of destroyed relationships.  A Narcissist takes advantage of others to get what they need, and they have a great sense of entitlement, regardless of their behavior.  Taking responsibility for their actions is not an option as they prefer to put the blame on others.  A Narcissist is a destructive individual who is highly skilled at deception and feeds off of the emotional pain of others.

What Just Happened?

You were targeted by a Narcissist who uses a variety of tactics in order to destabilize you emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually.  The Narcissist uses what is called psychological warfare which is why you were unaware.  The behaviors of the Narcissist are systematic as they take you through the stages of Narcissistic Abuse.  The effectiveness of the Narcissist in your life depends on how successful they are in the Idealization Stage.  By utilizing these techniques the Narcissist is able to override your gut feeling, preventing you from becoming aware that something wasn’t quite right.  The techniques used by the Narcissist in the idealization stage are (1) Love Bombing (2) Instant Intimacy and (3) The Emotionally Supportive Listener.

Let’s explore these three stages together…

Love Bombing – This is a commonly used manipulation technique of narcissists across the board.  Love bombing is when the Narcissist bombards you with communication such as texts, phone calls, emails, commenting on social media or liking your social media post.  Love bombing is extremely excessive to the point that it makes it hard to concentrate wholly on anything or anyone else, except the Narcissist.  Love bombing makes you feel special and amazed that you have met your knight and shining armor.  And why wouldn’t you feel this way?  The Narcissist puts great effort into assuring you that you are definitely the one they have been waiting for.  Before long, you are convinced that this is your soul mate and that your search for happiness is over.  This explains why it’s so easy to ignore that gut feeling that senses something is off. We are preoccupied with the manipulative tactics of the Narcissist and not in tuned with our star player…ourselves.  Read more…

Instant Intimacy – Once the Narcissist has secured you with love bombing the next manipulative tactic is “Instant Intimacy”.  In this stage, the Narcissist will combine their life with yours as fast as possible.  Some examples in this stage are quick pregnancies, moving in together, marriage, joint checking accounts, credit cards, and insurance policies just to name a few.  Read more…

The Emotionally Supportive Listener  – The Narcissist is extremely skilled when it comes to attentively listening to their partners.  The Narcissist appears to be listening out of concern, when in fact, they’re actually gathering the information that enlightens them on exactly what you want in a partner.  The Narcissist is also skillfully listening to determine the areas that you are weak in.  Once the necessary information is obtained, the Narcissist will become the very person your heart desires to be with.  This is why it feels like you have met your soulmate.  The Narcissist is carefully playing out a character that lines up perfectly with what you have expressed to be your flavor.  Read more…

This is the initial stage in the cycle of Narcissistic Abuse and lays the foundation as to “What Just Happened” in your life.  The next stage in the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle is the Devaluation Stage.  If you would like to read further about the stages in the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle Click Here.