The idea of becoming free from a Narcissistically Abusive relationship but agreeing to be friends is a quite complex decision to make.
Remaining friends with the narcissist is often something that seems to transition so smoothly that nothing is ever really thought about it.
We couldn’t make it as a couple but we are better at being close friends are the words of the Narcissist.
And it appears to be completely innocent especially if you are an empath desiring to see the good in everyone no matter what the history of the relationship has taught you.
The question that comes to mind when I now think about remaining friends with a narcissistic ex is “What about the relationship qualifies the narcissist to now be a friend”?
The characteristics of a friend consist of a bond that involves genuine concern for the well being of another, respect, mutual affection and countless acts of kindness desiring absolutely nothing in return.
All of which are complete opposites of what the narcissist brings to the table in any type of relationship.
So why do we fall for the “let’s just be friends” invitation by the narcissist over and over again?
Perhaps we simply fail to compare the facts in order to make the best decision for our well being which is a process that would include setting healthy boundaries.
In my personal experience with narcissistic abuse, I believe the inability to set boundaries played a major part in my suffering at the hands of the narcissist.
I simply had no understanding of how to set boundaries that protected me from the mistreatment of others, which left the door open for the narcissist to walk in and out of my life, wreaking havoc and proclaiming to be a friend.
So with that being said, if you are struggling with closing the door on a narcissistically abusive relationship I will leave you with this thought-provoking list of the behavior of the narcissist.
The truth of the matter is that the narcissist entered your life and literally turned it upside down.
They intentionally targeted you and set out to destroy every area of your life.
As someone who seeks to find the good in every situation, this may be a hard one to swallow, but here is a list of what played out in your relationship with the narcissist.
- The narcissist isolated you from family and friends, completely destroying your support system.
- The narcissist loved bombed you to make you fall in love with them and they pretended to be in love with you (professed their love to you quickly).
- The narcissist conversed with you for hours pretending to be interested in you but was probing to learn your areas of weakness in order to destroy you.
- The narcissist devalued and humiliated you.
- The narcissist triangulated you (when they bought that other person into the situation by telling you it was an ex that wouldn’t leave them alone, a crazy ex, they orchestrated a scenario that put the two of you in the same place in order for a conflict to take place.
- The narcissist gaslighted you by doing and saying things to make you question your sanity and when you confronted them they said: “I didn’t say that”.
- The narcissist destroyed what self-esteem you had.
- The narcissist lied to you.
- The narcissist cheated on you.
- The narcissist didn’t take responsibility for their actions but blamed and guilted you for their actions.
- The narcissist abruptly ending the relationship throwing you away like trash.
Although this is not an extensive list of what you endured in the relationship with the narcissist, it is a pretty clear picture of what the relationship looked like.
This is not for you to condemn or to blame yourself for what happened.
It’s important for you to understand that a narcissist targeted you in order to extract the narcissistic supply they needed from you.
But with that being said my question to you is…
What part of the narcissist’s behavior qualifies them to be your friend?
The fact of the matter is that a narcissist could never be a friend…period.
It’s time to give yourself permission to create healthy boundaries in your life that protect you from the mistreatment of others.
It is okay to determine what you will and won’t tolerate in the life that God has blessed you with.
It is okay to guard your heart against those who seek to do you harm.
It is okay to go completely NO CONTACT…