Discard By The Narcissist

The Narcissist will intentionally discard you at the worst possible time in your life.  This discard will take place during unfortunate life situations such as losing a job, a loved one, or after receiving a negative diagnosis.  On the other hand, The Narcissist will plan a discard to interrupt what should be a time of celebration such as a new job or promotion, a birthday, holiday or anniversary.  The Narcissist will implement the discard, leaving you bewildered, dazed and confused during a time in which you should be celebrating.  To the Narcissist this guarantees that instead of remembering the joyous occasion, your memories will be marred by the discard of the Narcissist.

One moment, the relationship will appear to be doing well and the Narcissist will pose as a source of support, and out of nowhere, the Narcissist will abruptly end the relationship.  As you search for answers trying to put your shattered dreams back together, the Narcissist will act cold and callous as if you never meant anything to them.   The sole purpose behind the discard of the Narcissist is to further destroy your self-esteem and to trigger your abandonment wounds.  In order to carry this out,  the Narcissist will utilize two techniques that closely resemble the discard but are actually used to keep you in the abusive cycle.


This is when the Narcissist will introduce a new person into the scenario making you feel less desirable or even insecure.  They may even tell you that the person is an ex that won’t take no for an answer.  The Narcissist may even disappear for an extended weekend only to return and break up with you claiming to need space to sort out their feelings.  (A Spiritual Narcissist will claim that they need to spend time with God).  In actuality the Narcissist is love bombing a new victim which requires a great amount of their time, uninterrupted.

If the Narcissist ends the relationship with you but convinces you to remain friends, they will tell you all about their new partner.  The Narcissist may even tell you that the two of you are better at being friends and pretend to confide in you sharing detailed information about their new relationship including the ups and the downs.   The goal of the Narcissist is to trigger your fear of abandonment which will create a bond between you and the Narcissist called a trauma bond.

Trauma Bonding

Trauma bonding is a technique that the Narcissist uses in which they trigger your fear of abandonment repeatedly causing a bond.  As the Narcissist continues to triangulate you or triggers your fear of abandonment it causes your need to be loved and/or accepted by them to intensify creating insecure attachments.  The Narcissist will repeatedly triangulate and trigger your fear of abandonment in order to cause you to experience great depths of jealousy, worry, and rumination.

This is psychological warfare at its best and the Narcissist is completely aware of what they are doing to you.  The repeated use of these two techniques can cause PTSD.  Depending on how the Narcissist chooses to play out the discard, they may abruptly end the relationship only to circle back around using a technique called hoovering to lure you back into a relationship and discard you again.  This is a cruel tactic used by the Narcissist to further break you down mentally, emotionally and psychologically.  You must implement NO CONTACT in order to break free.