Idealization Stage #1

Narcissist engage in maladaptive behaviors in relationships that confuse, hurt and emotionally torment their intimate partners.  The question is how do they do it? And, why don’t those caught in their toxic grip simply walk away?

In the text below,  I will break down the vicious cycles that a Narcissist walks their victims through and why they do it.  I will also touch base on why they are so effective in entangling us into their web of chaos, confusion, lies and deceit.

Narcissistic Red Flag #1 – Love bombing

love-bombingThis is a commonly used manipulation technique of Narcissist across the board.  Love bombing is when the Narcissist bombards you with communication such as:  texts, phone calls, emails, commenting on social media or liking your social media post.  So what’s wrong with that you might ask?  And if you are asking that, it is clear that you have never been the victim of love bombing.  But here’s what to look for if that’s the case.  Love bombing is extremely excessive to the point that it makes it hard to concentrate wholly on anything or anyone else, except the Narcissist.  Love bombing makes you feel special and amazed that you have met your knight and shining armor.  And why wouldn’t you feel this way?  The Narcissist puts great effort into assuring you that you are definitely the one they have been waiting for.  Before long, you are convinced that this is your soul mate and that your search for happiness is over.  This explains why it’s so easy to ignore that gut feeling that senses something is off. We are preoccupied with the manipulative tactics of the Narcissist and not in tuned with our star player…ourselves.

The Narcissist Intent

The goal here is for the Narcissist to become the main focus in your life.  They already know that you will mistake the constant attention for a sincere interest on behalf of the Narcissist.  In this phase of the cycle, the Narcissist is studying everything about you and learning a great deal by the stories you are so willing to share in response to the Narcissist being so transparent in their storytelling.  Unfortunately, the stories told by the Narcissist are exactly that…stories!  Little white lies cunningly told to cause you to feel comfortable sharing your most intimate secrets in return.  We will later talk about how this information will be used against you, and woven into a multitude of lies to destroy your reputation.  This technique is called a Smear Campaign, and it is designed to make you look like the crazy one.

In addition to the Narcissist expressing how you are everything they asked God for in a mate, they will shower you with compliments about your beauty and perfection.  Again, the Narcissist already knows, if they continue to shower you with compliments, after a while you will feel compelled to compliment them in return.  The Narcissist not only loves to receive compliments, but they actually need this source of Narcissistic supply kinda like how a vampire needs blood.  This is why a Narcissist is sometimes referred to as an emotional vampire.

Another reason why the Narcissist uses love bombing is  because it gives them a pulse on where you are with them emotionally.  The Narcissist must move quickly before you catch on to their truth.  Therefore, in addition to showering you with compliments, the Narcissist will step up their game in pursuit of shifting from compliments of beauty to professing their love for you.  Again, the Narcissist knows that this will in turn cause you, the victim, to by-pass your internal alarm, and profess your love for the Narc in return.  Checkmate!  The Narcissist has secured their prey, and remained unexposed.  Now…let the games begin!

Next Red Flag #2 Instant Intimacy