Once the Narcissist has secured you with love bombing the next manipulative tactic is “Instant Intimacy”. In this stage the Narcissist will combine their life with yours as fast as possible. Some examples in this stage are: quick pregnancies, moving in together, marriage, joint checking accounts, credit cards and life insurance policies just to name a few.
The Intent of the Narcissist
The intent of the Narcissist in this stage is to gain control and to get you under their spell. This is accomplished by entangling the two lives together as much as possible making it harder for you to end the relationship. For instance, the Narcissist may suggest moving in together within months or even weeks of knowing each other. Reason being, this gives the Narcissist access around the clock to manipulate and control you.
Here’s how the Narcissist will create “instant intimacy”:
Reminds the victim of their “divine” connection
The Narcissist will constantly remind you how rare and special the connection is between the two of you. The Narcissist will also go out of their way to let you know that they have never felt like this with anybody else. They assure you that you are the only one that makes them feel this way. You may hear them say “I realize that I’ve never been in love before because I’ve never felt like this about anyone else…ever”! Constant awareness of this “divine” connection causes you once again to ignore that feeling in your gut signaling that things are moving much to fast.
Narcissist are for the most part highly sexual and quite amazing in bed. They already know that having sex will give them even greater access to your mind, body and soul. Therefore, the Narcissist will want to have sex within the first few days of meeting you. To the Narcissist sex is a weapon that is used to manipulate and destroy your self-esteem. Often times this is accomplished through the effects of their serial cheating. Sex with the Narcissist may kept you in the relationship even when you know ending it would be best. Ignoring your inner knowing here is quite costly, because this will in turn cause self loathing, guilt and shame within you.
A skilled Narcissist is a great storyteller. They use storytelling as a way of manipulating you due to it’s effectiveness in creating a false sense of intimacy and trust. Through storytelling the Narcissist gets to be the hero, the thug or even the victim. The Narcissist is well aware that sharing extremely personal stories will cause you to do the same in return.
Moving in with each other
The goal of the Narcissist is to control you completely. Having access to you 24/7 allows them to carry out their plan on a more skilled level. This also helps greatly with the isolation process that will eventually unfold once they have taking control over you.
Entanglement of Finances
This manipulative tactic appears to be a kind act or suggestion on behalf of the Narcissist, but in actuality its purpose is to entangle you and your finances. In this stage the Narcissist will want to combine finances, credit, bills or even put you on their phone or car insurance plan. This will make it harder for you to leave once you become aware of the Narcissist and who they truly are.
With future faking the Narcissist will hint or make direct statements about plans in the future. This is simply another manipulative tactic to control you in the present. The purpose here is to manage your expectations of what will transpire in the relationship. The Narcissist will talk about wanting to get married, buyng a house together and having children.
With my personal experience in relationship with several Narcissist, I have noticed that they’ll have a collection of 3 or 4 engagement rings that you will later find out were purchased to future fake other unsuspecting victims.
I have also experienced, after leaving the Narcissist and the hoovering stage takes place, the Narcissist will in an attempt to lure you back into the relationship say something like “We should just get married”. or “You want to just go ahead and get married next week”? Although the Narcissist has no intention of becoming married they will continually use this manipulative tactic to control you.
On the other hand, if you happen to be the unfortunate one who actually gets married, buys the house and has children with the Narcissist, you must understand that it is just a means to gaining more control over you. The spouse, house and children only serve as additional possessions to inflat the Narcissist ego. This is a hard pill to swallow, but once you realize and accept this key point, you can now view your situation from a standpoint of truth, and not the distorted picture the Narcissist has painted. Another key point to be aware of is, in the event that you decide to end the relationship, any contact with the Narcissist will be used to control you in some manner.