Discard By The Victim

Walking away from those that we care for is never an easy task.  Especially if we are uncertain as to how we ending up here in the first place.  I know first hand that this can be a very uncomfortable position to be in, so let me first commend you for taking a stand for the betterment of YOU!

Secondly, it is imperative to come face to face with the truth about the relationship and why no contact (NC) is necessary.  Accepting this truth will help if you become tempted to open the door for the Narcissist once they begin hoovering after you implement NC.

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free

John 8:32

So here’s the truth…

At the hand of the Narcissist, you have more than likely experienced the following:

Personal Changes

  • Your life has taken a turn for the worse
  • Your isolated from family and friends
  • Your finances have taken a hit and/or you have lost your job
  • You have insomnia
  • Your emotional state is completely unhealthy
  • Your are confused and lack the ability to focus
  • You are having anxiety and panic attacks
  • Your self-confidence is shot

Quality of Relationship

You have been…

  • Lied to
  • Cheated on
  • Disrespected
  • Emotionally traumatized (Intentionally)
  • Manipulated
  • Deceived
  • Betrayed

You have lost…

  • Close friendships
  • Close relationships with family members
  • Opportunities
  • Hope for the future
  • Your home
  • Desire to pursue your dreams
  • Desire to get out of bed
  • Desire to live

This list is by no means exhaustive, however, it is a close representation of what life with a Narcissist is like.  Although you may not have experienced everything on this list, it would be safe to say that you have experienced approximately 75% or more.  Therefore, if you find yourself struggling with separating from the Narcissist, review this list so that you can keep an accurate assessment before you, as to what you are truly missing.  It is important to be completely honest and not fall into the trap of missing who they could have been.  All cards on the table, from here on out.  Acknowledge the hard cold truth of who the Narcissist is.

Once you have accepted the truth, the next thing to do is to implement a plan.  All doors must be closed so that the Narcissist cannot contact you.

Block the Narcissists from calling you

Once the Narcissists realizes that you are no longer accessible, they will begin hoovering, which includes an aggressive approach to breaking down any boundaries you are constructing, in order to contact you and change your mind.  The Narcissist will repeatedly call and text your cell in an attempt to trigger you and to get a response from you.  It doesn’t matter if the response is you being angry due to the outrageous amount of times they reach out, the goal here is to simply contact you in order to regain control.

You will have to block the Narcissists from being able to call you and this includes any and all numbers that they have access to and may use to call you (including their family/friends cell phones).  Keep in mind that you will also receive calls from blocked numbers as the Narcissist will become desperate.  They will also contact your family, friends, co-workers and anyone else who will listen and possibly get a message to you about their dire need to speak to you and the epiphany they had about how important you are in their life.  Again, I encourage you to be strong and not to fall prey to the shenanigans of the Narcissist.

You may have to change your cell phone number in order to truly stop them from contacting you.  Although this may be an inconvenience, it will pay off in the long run, and help you to go no contact successfully.

Block Social Media Accounts

You will have to block the Narcissist from your social media accounts as this is another way in which they will use to harass you. Make sure that you not only block them but refrain from cyber stalking their social media pages as well.  The Narcissist will be implementing an aggressive strategy to manipulate you and will post pics of their new victim in hopes of getting a reaction from you, so don’t give into your curiosity to see what their up to.

The Narcissist will encourage family and mutual friends to assist them in their attempts to get your attention, or they may manipulate them as well by getting them to post pics with the Narcissist in them to trigger you.  Remember that integrity is not in the vocabulary of the Narcissist so you can expect them to play dirty.  Therefore, it will be in your best interest to block social media accounts of the Narcissists family as well as mutual friends that you may have.

Do Not Respond To Visits

The Narcissist will show up at your home unannounced and bearing gifts as an attempt to prove their new-found awareness of your importance.  Do not open the door and acknowledge them or entertain their stage performance of lies, manipulation and maybe even tears.  Remember that they will stop at nothing to regain their position in order to cause you further emotional damage.

You may even arrive home to find the Narcissist parked in your driveway, keep in mind that it may be necessary to obtain a restraining order.

Change Your Daily Routine

Since you have spent sometime in relationship with the Narcissist they are more likely aware of your daily routine and will leverage this awareness to gain access to you.  Therefore, it will be necessary to make changes so that your daily routine is not so predictable.

Establish Your Emotional Support System

Find someone who you can confide in that will support you emotionally throughout the no contact process.  Make sure that this person is in fact supportive and truly understanding of the emotional aftermath of being in a toxic relationship.  You will need someone to lean on, to talk to and someone who will simply listen as you make your way through the emotional healing process.

One of the most effective times of recovery from a Narcissistic relationship for me was when I spent time in God’s presence which included reading God’s Word, listening to Sermons, Bible on audio or Christian music, Bible study workbooks and spending time in pure Worship.  Oftentimes, I was led by God which aided me greatly in my time of recovery.  That being said, I highly recommend seeking God for your emotional support when healing from Narcissist abuse.

Renounce the Soul Tie with the Narcissists

A soul tie is when two souls are tied together in the spiritual realm.  When we have shared our soul with another being there are exchanges that take place and they go far and beyond just saying goodbye.  Soul ties can be created through a variety of ways such as through sex and verbal confessions.  Here’s a few steps to take in order to break the soul tie with the Narcissist.

Repent – It is important to repent of any sins committed with the Narcissist such as adultery or fornication in order to receive God’s forgiveness before renouncing and breaking the soul tie.

Forgive – If you are at a place where you can forgive the Narcissist this is a good time to do so.  Keep in mind that forgiving them is not condoning their behavior nor is it giving them a pass to mistreat you.  Also, this does not mean contact the Narcissist to inform them of your change of heart, and how you now forgive them for what they have done to you.  Trust me when I tell you, if you were to do so the results would be emotionally devastating as the Narcissist would simply use this as ammo against you.

The point behind forgiving the Narcissist is for you and you alone.  When we have unforgiveness in our hearts towards another person we give them control over us, forgiving them is a way for us to take back that control.  Also, by forgiving them we position ourselves in right standing with God who has promised in His word that the wicked will not go unpunished.  In other words, God will revenge the Narcissist for their evil works against you, so there’s no need to worry about if they’ll get away with what they have done.  If you can…forgive them and trust that God will handle the rest!

If you are not yet at a place where you are able to forgive the Narcissist, I completely understand.  We each have to move through the process at our own pace.

Renounce all covenants – What we confess with our mouths have power and the ability to create covenants and agreements.  Even something as innocent as confessing to the Narcissist (during the relationship) that “You are the only man for me” or “You are the only one that I will ever love” or “We are definitely soul mates”, can create a soul tie to another person.  Such confessions must be renounce in order to cancel them and to break the soul tie.  You can say something like “I renounce saying that __________ (the Narcissist) was the only one that I will ever love”, in order to renounce it.

Get rid of gifts exchanged – Gifts are symbolic of the relationship and they can also hold a soul tie in place.  Gifts include anything that was giving to you by the Narcissist such as cards, jewelry, clothes, pictures, beauty products, etc.  Make sure to ask the Holy Spirit to bring to your remembrance any items that may be hidden or that you may have forgotten are in your possession.

Renounce and break the soul tie in Jesus’ name – In order to renounce and break a soul tie it should be done verbally, just at it was done when it was established.  Jesus tells us whatsoever you shall loose will be loosed in heaven (which is the spiritual realm).  Therefore, this let’s us know that we have the ability to loose ourselves from ungodly soul ties.  In order to do so you can simply repeat:  “I renounce and loose myself from all ungodly soul ties created between myself and ___________(the Narcissist), and I break these ungodly soul ties in Jesus’ name.  Amen!