Welcome! Today is Day 4 of the Narcissistically Speaking Bible Study “5 Lies Christian Women Believe That Make Them Vulnerable to Narcissistic Men.” Today, we will focus on Lie #4 “Believing Your Love Can Change the Narcissist.”
It is true to say, that as Christian women, we strive to love others with the same sacrificial love that Jesus demonstrated on the Cross. We believe in redemption and transformation through the power of the Holy Spirit. However, when it comes to relationships with narcissistic men, we often fall into the trap of believing a lie…that our love can change them.
We feel compelled to love and care for these men, believing that our love can heal them and bring about their transformation. This is a faulty and dangerous belief that must be dismantled.
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Here are five faulty beliefs that may contribute to you believing your love can change the narcissist.
1. “He just needs someone to love him”: This faulty belief suggests that the narcissists behavior is a result of not receiving enough love and attention in his life. However, this is not true. Narcissistic personality disorder cannot be cured by simply loving someone.
2. “If I just love him enough, he will change”: This faulty belief implies that the responsibility for the narcissist’s transformation lies solely on the woman’s shoulders. However, this is not the case. Real change can only happen when the narcissist takes responsibility for his behavior and seeks help, which will more than likely never happen, because he doesn’t believe he needs help.
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3. “He’s just insecure and needs my support”: This faulty belief suggests that the narcissistic man’s behavior is a result of his insecurities which is not true.
4. “He’s just misunderstood”: This faulty belief suggests that the narcissist’s behavior is a result of others not understanding him. This is not true. Narcissistic men are manipulative and exploit others for their own gain, regardless of whether or not they are understood.
5. “I can’t give up on him, I need to show him God’s love”: This faulty belief implies that the woman’s responsibility is to continue loving and caring for the narcissist, regardless of his behavior. However, this is not true. While we are called to love others, we are also called to protect ourselves from harm and to hold others accountable for their behavior.
Believing that our love can change a narcissistic man is a dangerous lie that can make us vulnerable to manipulation and abuse. True transformation can only come through the power of the Holy Spirit, and we must understand that it is not our responsibility to change others.