Why being friends with the Narcissist is never a healthy choice
Let’s face it, spending quality time with a friend can truly save the day. A good meal, valued conversation about the intimate details of a never-ending saga, or even the discussion of a life experience in which you can authentically speak your truth. There’s something about being able to openly share your most precious thoughts with a friend who will value your thoughts, cherish your life’s experiences and honor your relationship.
A Narcissist is not friendship material
Once you become completely fed up with the narcissist and his shenanigans and you decide to leave the relationship, he will try to convince you to be friends. What’s important to know is that the narcissist could care less about titles. They don’t care if you are their girlfriend, wife, associate, or friend as long as they have access to destroy various areas of your life. The let’s just be friends “scam” is a last-ditch effort to remain in your life so they can further torment and misuse you. It has nothing to do with wanting to be with you or even about how much they care. The narcissist only cares for themselves. Everything else is simply an illusion to camouflage their real intent.
If you are struggling with whether or not you should allow the narcissist to remain in your life and try being friends instead of lovers, it’s time to get honest with yourself and face the hard cold. Ask yourself if the narcissist tormented you mentally and emotionally, turned your entire life upside down, and showed absolutely no remorse for their actions, what part of their behavior now qualifies them as a friend?
The truth of the matter is that they don’t qualify as a friend or anything else for that matter. Don’t allow yourself to be bamboozled by their deception and trickery. You are worth so much more than the narcissist could ever bring to the table. Give yourself the permission and the freedom to say “no” to their mistreatment and abuse and believe that God has something much greater in store for you. Trust and believe.
Everything seems to be going well. You haven’t argued and have been spending what appears to be quality time together. You find yourself doing everything in your power to show how much you care, and it appears to be working.
The relationship we have with ourselves and our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ are the two most important relationships that we will ever have. Yes, the relationships we have with our loved ones are also important, however, our ability to be a positive influence to those around us directly depends on our relationship with ourself and the Lord.
One of the most upsetting things about dating a narcissist for me has been how I was lead to believe he was a mighty man of God…a Believer. I found myself caught up in trying to make the relationship work, so I gave it all that I had. It wasn’t until years later that I came to terms with the fact that the relationship was not of God but was sent to destroy various areas of my life.
A Domestic Violence Advocate that helps Christian Women who are so over Narcissistically Abusive men identify them before getting involved…OR…how to identify if you are already in relationship with one.
The Narcissist will intentionally discard you at the worst possible time in your life. This discard will take place during unfortunate life situations such as losing a job, a loved one, or after receiving a negative diagnosis. Read More
The idea of becoming free from a Narcissistically Abusive relationship but agreeing to be friends is a quite complex decision to make. Read More
If you have dated a narcissist for any length of time, you are definitely aware of their fascination with sabotaging holidays, birthdays, graduations, you name it. Whatever the event, I’m sure their footprint of misery supersedes the memory. Whether it’s the disappearing act, the sudden argument or the silent treatment, the narcissist is determined to steal the joy out of any celebratory event. And they will continue to do so, year after year…after year. The bigger the event or holiday, the better. So with that being said, it’s no wonder why Christmas is the opportune time for the narcissist’s dark side to be on display.
The narcissist has absolutely no problem bringing the joy of Christmas to a halt and redirecting all attention onto themselves. That’s what the Grinch-like behavior is all about, stealing your joy and gaining your attention. The narcissist hates to see anyone truly happy because it reminds them of their misery which is unbearable. So in order to get relief from their own miserable selves, the narcissist will project their misery onto others by way of covert acts of deception.
So don’t be surprised if you receive a text message that takes the wind out of your sail. The narcissist is simply placing the attention on themselves instead of the holiday or event. Doing so assures the narcissist that when you think back on the occasion, you will no doubt, think about them. No concern goes to whether or not the attention is good or bad, any attention will satisfy the desperate need of the narcissist. And in this case, your misery is their Christmas joy.