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Discard by The Narcissist

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The Narcissist will intentionally discard you at the worst possible time in your life.  This discard will take place during unfortunate life situations such as losing a job, a loved one, or after receiving a negative diagnosis.  On the other hand, The Narcissist will plan a discard to interrupt what should be a time of celebration such as a new job or promotion, a birthday, holiday or anniversary.  The Narcissist will implement the discard, leaving you bewildered, dazed and confused during a time in which you should be celebrating.  To the Narcissist this guarantees that instead of remembering the joyous occasion, your memories will be marred by the discard of the Narcissist.

One moment, the relationship will appear to be doing well and the Narcissist will pose as a source of support, and out of nowhere, the Narcissist will abruptly end the relationship.  As you search for answers trying to put your shattered dreams back together, the Narcissist will act cold and callous as if you never meant anything to them.   The sole purpose behind the discard of the Narcissist is to further destroy your self-esteem and to trigger your abandonment wounds.  In order to carry this out,  the Narcissist will utilize two techniques that closely resemble the discard but are actually used to keep you in the abusive cycle.

Triangulation

This is when the Narcissist will introduce a new person into the scenario making you feel less desirable or even insecure.  They may even tell you that the person is an ex that won’t take no for an answer.  The Narcissist may even disappear for an extended weekend only to return and break up with you claiming to need space to sort out their feelings.  (A Spiritual Narcissist will claim that they need to spend time with God).  In actuality, the Narcissist is love bombing a new victim which requires a great amount of their time, uninterrupted.

If the Narcissist ends the relationship with you but convinces you to remain, friends, they will tell you all about their new partner.  The Narcissist may even tell you that the two of you are better at being friends and pretend to confide in you sharing detailed information about their new relationship including the ups and the downs.   The goal of the Narcissist is to trigger your fear of abandonment which will create a bond between you and the Narcissist called a trauma bond.

Trauma Bonding

Trauma bonding is a technique that the Narcissist uses in which they trigger your fear of abandonment repeatedly causing a bond.  As the Narcissist continues to triangulate you or triggers your fear of abandonment it causes your need to be loved and/or accepted by them to intensify creating insecure attachments.  The Narcissist will repeatedly triangulate and trigger your fear of abandonment in order to cause you to experience great depths of jealousy, worry, and rumination.

This is psychological warfare at its best and the Narcissist is completely aware of what they are doing to you.  The repeated use of these two techniques can cause PTSD.  Depending on how the Narcissist chooses to play out the discard, they may abruptly end the relationship only to circle back around using a technique called hoovering to lure you back into a relationship and discard you again.  This is a cruel tactic used by the Narcissist to further break you down mentally, emotionally and psychologically.  You must implement NO CONTACT in order to break free.

Mood Boosting Recipe

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YIELD: 2 TO 4
Thai Coconut Curry Shrimp Noodle Bowls
total time:
35 MINS
INGREDIENTS
  • 3  tablespoons coconut oil
  • 1/2 pound raw peeled and deveined shrimp, patted dry
  • 1/2 sweet onion, sliced
  • 1/2 red bell pepper, sliced
  • 1/2 orange bell pepper, sliced
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon pepper
  • 2 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1/2 teaspoon freshly grated ginger
  • 2 tablespoons red curry paste
  • 1/3 cup sugar snap peas
  • 1 (14-ounce) can full-fat coconut milk
  • 1 (14-ounce) can light coconut milk
  • 6 ounces cooked rice noodles or soba noodles… or spaghetti!
  • 3 tablespoons fresh chopped cilantro
  • 2 green onions, sliced
INSTRUCTIONS
  1. Heat a large skillet over medium heat and add 2 tablespoons of the coconut oil. Add in the shrimp and cook until opaque and pink on both sides. Sprinkle with salt and pepper Remove the shrimp and place it in a bowl off to the side.
  2. Add the remaining coconut oil to the pot. Stir in the onions, peppers, more salt, and pepper and stir to toss. Cover and cook until the vegetables have slightly softened, about 5 minutes. Add in the garlic, ginger and curry paste and stir to coat. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, scraping the bottom. Add in the snap peas and coconut milk. Increase heat and bring the mixture to a boil, then reduce the heat to low, cover and cook for 5 minutes. Stir in the shrimp and cilantro and cook for 5 minutes more.
  3. To serve, place a handful of rice noodles in a bowl and cover with the shrimp curry. Top with extra cilantro or green onions.

[adapted from How Sweet Eats]

Mood Boosting Recipes For a Happier You

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This honey garlic shrimp recipe is quick and easy to prepare.  Ready in 20 minutes, this healthy dinner will join your regular dinner rotation. Serve with brown rice and vegetables, grill on skewers, or serve over salad.

Ingredients

  • 1/3 cup honey
  • 1/4 cup soy sauce (I use reduced sodium)
  • 1 Tablespoon minced garlic
  • optional: 1 teaspoon minced fresh ginger
  • 1 lb medium uncooked shrimp, peeled & deveined
  • 2 teaspoons olive oil
  • optional: chopped green onion for garnish

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The Narcissist, A Real Life Grinch

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If you have dated a narcissist for any length of time, you are definitely aware of their fascination with sabotaging holidays, birthdays, graduations, you name it.  Whatever the event, I’m sure their footprint of misery supersedes the memory.  Whether it’s the disappearing act, the sudden argument or the silent treatment, the narcissist is determined to steal the joy out of any celebratory event.  And they will continue to do so, year after year…after year.  The bigger the event or holiday, the better.  So with that being said, it’s no wonder why Christmas is the opportune time for the narcissist’s dark side to be on display.

The narcissist has absolutely no problem bringing the joy of Christmas to a halt and redirecting all attention onto themselves.  That’s what the Grinch-like behavior is all about, stealing your joy and gaining your attention.  The narcissist hates to see anyone truly happy because it reminds them of their misery which is unbearable.  So in order to get relief from their own miserable selves, the narcissist will project their misery onto others by way of covert acts of deception.

So don’t be surprised if you receive a text message that takes the wind out of your sail.  The narcissist is simply placing the attention on themselves instead of the holiday or event.  Doing so assures the narcissist that when you think back on the occasion, you will no doubt, think about them.  No concern goes to whether or not the attention is good or bad, any attention will satisfy the desperate need of the narcissist.  And in this case, your misery is their Christmas joy.